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Kelly, James Patrick - Fruitcake Theory.txt
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James Patrick Kelly: Fruitcake Theory
Bjorn is trying to tell me that the rooster isnÆt dumb
as a spoon. Obtuse, maybe. Na∩ve, yes. Tedious, without
a doubt.
The rooster is sitting across the aisle and up two
seats, paying no attention to us. WeÆre just followers.
HeÆs staring out the window of the van at the snow.
"HeÆs Kuvat, Maggie," says Bjorn. "Aliens think
differently than we do."
"Cranial capacity." I tap the side of my head. "Check
that skull. HeÆs got room up there for half a cup of
brains, tops."
"Maybe heÆs got some kind of distributed nervous
system," Bjorn says. "How else could they have built the
starship?"
"The scarecrows built the starship," I say. "The
roosters came along for the ride. You follow long enough
and itÆs obvious."
"Intellectual bifurcation is just a theory."
Nevertheless, Bjorn slides down in his seat, defeated
once again. "All we know is that theyÆre Kuvat, both
roosters and scarecrows." He takes out his appetite
pacifier and starts sucking at it. I donÆt mean to upset
him.
The rooster starts eeking to himself.
"Eek eek eeeek, eek eek eeeek! "
He looks like a cauliflower the size of a washing
machine -- with legs. They are bird legs, to be sure,
with scaly shanks and clawed, three-toed feet. But his
body is an enormous scoop of convoluted flesh. All he
wears is the translator, a golden disk that hangs on a
cord around his neck like the Noble Prize for Stupidity.
His skin is as translucent as spilled milk. Beneath it
are coils of muscle marbled with gray fat. He has
spindly arms and his little head is mostly mouth. We
canÆt see the upright ruddy flap, like a roosterÆs comb,
just behind his button eyes, because tonight heÆs
wearing a SantaÆs cap of red felt.
Bjorn pops the appetite pacifier out of his mouth. "I
think thatÆs ÆJingle Bells,Æ " he says excitedly. "The
eeking." He makes a note of this. Bjorn is new to the
following team. HeÆs twenty-four and takes everything
too seriously, except himself. HeÆs fat and blond and
sweet as a jelly donut. I really do like him; he just
hasnÆt realized it yet. He brings out the mother in me.
I yawn. IÆm not a night person and IÆm riding in a van
at two in the morning. ItÆs the roosterÆs fault, of
course. ItÆs December 22 and the rooster has got a bad
case of holiday spirit, even though he doesnÆt know an
elf from an elephant. He wants to do a little shopping.
ItÆs a security nightmare, but we accommodate him. We
always do because weÆre asking for the Kuvat
encyclopedia for Christmas. Not that we know whatÆs in
it exactly, but these creatures come from a planet a
hundred and thirty light years away. TheyÆre bound to
have a grand unified theory, the secret of cool fusion,
and a cure for cellulite.
=Persons?= The rooster turns toward us. =This one has
hunger.=
"Me too. I havenÆt eaten since dinner." Bjorn is always
happy to interact with our charge. "Wait until you see
the food court at this mall. ItÆs totally grade. Must be
thirty different kinds of ethnic." HeÆs starting to
bubble with enthusiasm; I give him a needle stare.
"Well, maybe only twenty," he mutters.
=This one has also thirst, persons.=
"This one is called Maggie." I touch my chest.
"Mag-gie." The rooster canÆt tell humans apart. This
continues to annoy me; IÆve been following him for four
months and he still doesnÆt know who I am.
=Laughing all the way, person, ha, ha, ha.=
There is some debate as to the accuracy of Kuvat
translations.
IÆm sick of this rooster. IÆve asked to follow any other
Kuvat, preferably a scarecrow, but IÆd even settle for
another rooster. As far as we know, there are four
besides this one. Roosters donÆt have names, donÆt ask
me why. At first we gave them nicknames -- Dodo, Dopey,
Dumbo, Ding-dong, and Dufus -- only when Balfour found
out, she pitched a fit. Our job was to follow, observe,
and protect the Kuvat, she said, not to make snide
remarks. She doesnÆt even like us calling them roosters.
When she overheard Jasper laughing about "Dopey" back in
August, she pulled him from the following team and
banished him to Waste Assessment, where he sifts through
Kuvat garbage and samples their sewage.
This rooster has been the most rambunctious tourist of
the five. Since the Kuvat landed in May, heÆs been to
the pyramids and the Taj Mahal and the Eiffel Tower.
HeÆs crazy about zoos and disneys. He saw the third game
of the ∩08 World Series and was a Special Guest at the
Sixty-Sixth World Science Fiction Convention. He seems
to be partnered with Kasaan, the scarecrow who is the
leader of the Kuvat expedition.
Bjorn has signed on to the theory that the roosters are
scouting us and make detailed reports back to the
scarecrows, who rarely leave the compound weÆve built
around their starship. This theory is conveniently
unverifiable, since weÆre not allowed to follow roosters
onto the starship.
When we pull up to the entrance of the Live Night Mall,
Balfour herself gets onto the van. She nods at the two
of us and then approaches the rooster.
"You will have an hour. IÆm afraid thatÆs as much as we
can do, one hour. These two will accompany you for one
hour. Anything you want, these two will obtain for you.
Do you understand everything? These two? One hour? "Even
though she wonÆt admit it, itÆs obvious that Balfour,
too, thinks that the rooster hasnÆt got the brains that
God gave to spinach.
=Kuvat pay? That is the habit.=
"No," said Balfour. "These two will pay for everything."
=Person, is there fruitcake? This one hears much of the
information of fruitcake.=
"Fruitcake?" Balfour glances back at us, as if we have
some idea what the rooster is talking about. Bjorn
shrugs. "IÆm sure thereÆs fruitcake somewhere at the
mall," Balfour says.
=The fruitcake solves much hunger.=
As we get off the van, Balfour touches my arm. I let
Bjorn go on ahead with the rooster.
"Any trouble?" she says.
"Not so far."
"Well, there is now. Kasaan is on her way here from the
U.N."
"Here as in here? Why?"
She gives me an exasperated glare. "Maybe she realized
there are only two more shopping days until Christmas."
Balfour is as mystified by Kuvat behavior as the rest of
us, but sheÆs Undersecretary for Alien Affairs. When
people have questions, sheÆs expected to give answers.
Sometimes that vein in her left temple pulses like a
blue worm.
"You want to pull our guest out?" This would be the
first time a rooster and a scarecrow have met outside
the starship compound. ItÆs a chance to observe new
behaviors -- but the mall is so public.
"I donÆt think so. No."
"Tell him about Kasaan?"
She rubs her eyes and I realize that she probably
dragged herself out of bed for this. "Maybe he already
knows. Look, IÆve seeded the mall with our people. WeÆre
going to let this happen, okay? ItÆs the good old
observe and protect. I just wanted to give you a heads
up." She turns away but catches herself. "HowÆs Bjorn
working out?"
"He should do more sit ups."
She sighs, but the vein subsides. "ItÆs two-thirty in
the morning, Maggie. Not even Hack Bumbledom is funny at
two-thirty in the morning."
"Want me to pick you up some fruitcake? ItÆs full of
information."
"This could be big." She brushes snow off my shoulder.
"IÆll be in the security office."
Followers and their families are scattered strategically
around the room. When we take roosters on field trips,
we try to minimize their access to the mundane world. If
we can, we clear a site completely; otherwise we drop by
unannounced and late at night. WeÆre in and out before
the media and the Kuvat chasers and the oddjobs arrive.
There are a few civilians shopping at this ungodly hour,
and of course the staff of all the stores are mundanes,
but weÆve got good coverage.
The Live Night Mall is "Y" shaped. Ribbons of light hang
from its vaulted glass ceiling; they shiver in the warm
breeze that blows from the ventilators. Each of the arms
is lined with the usual assortment of shops selling
games, infodumps, shoes, T-shirts, ties, hats,
kitchenware, software, artware, candy, toys, candles,
perfumes and pheromones. You can get a skin tint, a hair
style, or walk-in liposuction. At the end of each of its
arms is an anchor store, a Sears & Penny, a Food Chief,
and a Home Depot. The three arms come together in a
vast, garish, and noisy cluster of fast food
storefronts. Bjorn might be right about the number of
ethnics; I donÆt think IÆve ever seen Icelandic in a
mall before. At the hub of the mall there must be a
couple of hundred round tables. The surfaces of each are
screens tuned to themed cable stations. Even though the
place is pretty much deserted, itÆs still filled with
the ghostly mutter of news and sitcoms and cartoons. IÆm
expecting to spot the rooster here somewhere but all I
can see is a handful of followers and a Santa nodding
over a latte. Kevin Darcy pushes his sleeping
four-year-old by me in a stroller and murmurs, "Sears
and Penny."
So I pick my way through the maze of tables. As I pass
Santa, he shoots out of his chair.
"Where did you come from?"
"Home," I say and try to get by.
"No, you didnÆt." He pushes in front of me. "YouÆre a
stranger. Who are all these people?"
"This the mall, friend. WeÆre all strangers here."
"Not at my mall, youÆre not," he said.
"Listen, why donÆt you take the rest of the night off?"
I flip open my wallet and give him a good look at the
ID. "IÆll bet youÆre tired. IÆll clear it with your
boss."
He glances at it, but I donÆt think he sees anything.
"ItÆs not him," he says uncertainly. "ItÆs all the
presents. I have to finish my list." Now IÆm just
guessing at his story, but IÆm pretty sure IÆve got it
right. HeÆs old and broke and stuck in Social Security
shock -- just trying to earn a few extra bucks over the
holidays. Only he hasnÆt actually moved to a night
schedule, so heÆs trying to tough this shift out with
chemicals. ThatÆs why heÆs just south of coherent and
has cephadrine eyes. "If I go, theyÆll replace me with a
Santabot." He lowers his voice. "They donÆt take
bathroom breaks."
"Excuse me." I sidestep him. "I have to see a rooster
about a fruitcake."
"Wait! IÆll put you on my list." He clutches at me.
"What do you want for Christmas?"
"How about someone elseÆs life?" He considers this and I
slip by.
"You can have mine!" he calls after me. "Hey!"
As I enter the Sears & Penny, I notice an odd, stinging,
flowery smell, something like the scent of a rose, only
with thorns. I follow it to the menÆs underwear section,
where it is so strong my eyes water. A mundane sales
clerk is tapping, "Silent Night,"on the keypad of his
cashcard reader,
Bjorn and the rooster are sitting on the floor on a red
and white checked plastic tablecloth, having a picnic.
The roosterÆs Santa cap is cocked at a rakish angle. He
has opened a plastic bag containing three white Fruit of
the Loom undershirts.
He is eating them.
Somehow he has also obtained a four pack of MurrayÆs
Chocolate Mint Wine, two of which are now empties.
=Hungry?= He holds a wine-stained rag out to me.
"No," I say, "thank you." I try to catch BjornÆs eye but
he is staring between his legs as if counting the red
checks on the tablecloth.
=One hundred percent cotton.= The rooster pulls a new
undershirt from the bag and turns it this way and that,
as if admiring it. =Tasty cellulose.= He opens another
can of MurrayÆs and pours some on it. =Not starchy like
french fries.= He takes a bite.
The smell is clearly coming from the rooster. This is
new behavior; I have to know what caused it. "Uh, Bjorn,
could I speak to you?"
He finally looks up, his eyes red and watery from
rooster smell. "You think IÆm fat." He shivers like a
barrel of Jell-O, then laughs out loud.
"What?"
"Everybody thinks IÆm fat. I am fat!" He spreads his
fingers across his waist. Sure, Bjorn could do a
creditable Santa without padding but whatÆs that got to
do with following the Kuvat? And whatÆs so funny?
I try to say, ThatÆs not true, except the words swell in
my throat like balloons. I cough and manage to choke
out, "WhatÆs going on here?"
=He knows you bad or good,= The rooster says around a
mouthful of undershirt. =so good good goodness sake.=
"HeÆs not stupid, Maggie." Bjorn giggles and reaches for
the last can of wine. "He just doesnÆt know what he
knows." He pops it open and drinks.
"Bjorn!" I want to stop him but the rooster smell is
blooming in my head. "What have you told him?" IÆm not
sure whether my feet are touching the floor.
=Kuvat not stupid.= The rooster chews with a sideways
motion, like a horse. =This one sees. This one
remembers. But only Kasaan knows.=
"Kasaan? What about Kasaan?"
"ItÆs the truth," Bjorn says. "Want some?" He offers me
the MurrayÆs chocolate wine and I snatch it away from
him.
=Cotton?= The rooster offers the bag of undershirts.
"No." I wave him off absently. "Maybe later."
"HeÆs emitting some kind of euphoriant," says Bjorn.
"Can you smell it, Maggie?"
=Tidal of comfort and joy, comfort and joy.=
"Yes." I sit down next to him. If I donÆt, somebody will
have to pull me off the ceiling. "How did it start?"
"He was talking about Kasaan. He says sheÆs going to
empty him, or something. IÆm pretty sure heÆs getting
ready to turn in his report." He beams, pleased that
heÆs finally won our argument. "I have a theory. He has
to tell the truth, right? The smell makes him do it,
feel great about it. And itÆs working on us too. Tell me
a lie, Maggie."
=Lies stink.= The rooster spits out the undershirtÆs
polyester size tag.
"Oh god," I say. "Oh my god." I take a swig of MurrayÆs
and pass it back to Bjorn. "Kasaan is on her way over
here." The chocolate weight in my gut helps me forget
that IÆm breaking every rule of following there is. By
this time tomorrow, IÆll be helping Jasper centrifuge
Kuvat sewage.
=Person,= says the rooster. =You smell unhappy always.=
"I am unhappy," I say. "IÆve got a right to be unhappy."
"Why is that?" Bjorn asks.
"Because we have to follow this stupid rooster around,
Bjorn! I donÆt know about you, but that makes me feel
stupid. It should make everybody in the whole damn world
feel stupid."
"Well, at least youÆre not fat." Bjorn laughs and hands
me the MurrayÆs. Just to be sociable, I take a drink.
=Person is fat,= says the rooster. =Person feels
stupid.=
I hear running footsteps. Our backup is coming fast.
When I think of how this is going to look to the rest of
the following team, I start to giggle. "WeÆre screwed,"
I say.
"Very." Bjorn thinks itÆs funny too.
Balfour herself is leading the charge. "Maggie!" When
she spots us she pulls up. She stares as if she has just
caught Santa shoplifting.
I struggle to my knees and hold both hands out to warn
them. "Get out of here, now! ItÆs an airborne
intoxicant." I realize IÆm waving a can of MurrayÆs
Chocolate Mint Wine at the Undersecretary for Alien
Affairs. I set it discreetly on the plastic tablecloth.
"Gas masks in the van," Balfour says to the team as she
covers her mouth and nose with her hand. "Clear the
store. No, clear the mall. Seal everything." A handful
of them peel off, running. The other followers goggle at
us, then back away uncertainly. "Kasaan is looking for
him," she says. "Are you okay?"
"Sure," says Bjorn. "Tidal of comfort and joy."
"I think weÆre all right," I say. "But weÆre not
observing anymore. WeÆre part of it, Balfour. Now move,
before itÆs too late."
They leave, dragging the giggling menswear clerk after
them. The rooster stands and brushes a few white threads
off. =Person, is there fruitcake?=
We find fruitcake at the North Pole, a seasonal kiosk
halfway down the Home Depot arm of the mall. The North
Pole also sells ten different flavors of candy canes,
boxes of assorted chocolates and Christmas cookies in
green foil wrap, marshmallow elves, and fudge
tannenbaums. Gene Autrey sings "Rudolph the Red-Nosed
Reindeer" from hidden speakers as an animated Santa and
his full complement of reindeer cavort around the
circular base of the kiosk. I know itÆs the rooster
smell which continues to float up my nose, but I find
myself humming along with Gene.
The fruitcake is stacked five high in round red tins
decorated with scenes of cherry-faced kids building
snowmen and wrapped in cellophane. Bjorn takes one off
the top and gives it to the rooster.
"This is fruitcake," he says.
The rooster takes it, turns it over several times, holds
it up to the light and then taps a finger against the
lid of the tin. =Is hard.=
"ItÆs inside." I shake my head, laughing. "You have to
open it first."
The rooster glances up and down the deserted mall.
=There is no pay person.=
Bjorn is unwrapping a white chocolate snowman. "DonÆt
worry. WeÆll take care of it."
=This one pays. That is the habit.= He sets the
fruitcake, unopened, back on the counter. =Christmas is.
The Kuvat pay.=
"No, really...," says Bjorn, but I nudge him in the back
just as the rooster begins to eek.
"Eeeeeek, eek, eek, eek. Eeeek! " Beneath his
translucent skin, the flesh appears to seethe. We can
hear a sloshing, like a mop in a bucket of water. The
rooster claps a hand to his chest and I see a viscous
ooze between stubby fingers. He brings the hand to his
mouth and blows on it, once, twice, then opens it and
shows us.
=Pay.= he says. Bjorn drops his chocolate snowman.
Clicking softly on his smooth palm are four green
pearls.
"What are they?" says Bjorn.
=The end of fat,= says the rooster. He offers them to
Bjorn. =Person eats?=
Of course, I am immediately suspicious of the green
pearls. What is the end of fat anyway? What will these
things do to the human digestive system?
"How many?" BjornÆs face is as soft as cookie dough.
"Wait a minute!" IÆm stunned, but I canÆt bring myself
to stop it.
=The one.=
"What was it you said, Maggie?" He smiles at me. "WeÆre
not observing anymore. WeÆre part of things now." He
accepts a pearl from the rooster. "Thank you. Do I
chew?"
=Swallow hurry.=
"Bjorn!"
He pops it into his mouth and itÆs over. I wait for him
to keel over and writhe or throw up or maybe even
explode, but he just watches me with that goofy smile,
which I absolutely understand. Whatever happens is all
right, is true, is good. WeÆll both accept it because
the world smells so sweet tonight.
Bjorn raises his hands over his head like a Sugar Plum
Fairy and does a pirouette.
When the rooster offers me the green pearls, IÆm not at
all tempted. "Thanks." I sweep them onto my hand and
pocket them. "But I think IÆll save these for
breakfast."
The roosterÆs eyes glitter for a moment and go dim.
=One,= he says. =Share.= He turns to the North Pole and
retrieves his fruitcake.
The rooster wants to eat the cellophane wrapping but we
talk him out of it. When we pry the top off the tin, he
eeks and drops it. =Not Christmas!= The cake is still in
the bottom half of the tin; it rolls toward the Playbot
store.
=Fruitcake stinks!= He starts hopping up and down on one
foot. =Stinks like a lie.=
"IÆm sorry," says Bjorn. "Maybe that one was bad. I can
get you another."
=Take it away!= the rooster says. =Bury it!=
"His hour is almost up." I say, "LetÆs get him out of
here."
But we donÆt get the chance because striding toward us
from the food court is Kasaan. A dozen gas-masked
followers trot behind.
The Kuvat scarecrows have no more in common with our
scarecrows than the roosters have with gallus
domesticus. We call them scarecrows because theyÆre so
gangly and because they wear loud, loose clothes that
cover most of their bodies. But nobody who meets a
scarecrow ever remembers her wardrobe. What you remember
is the impossible head. It looks something like a prize
pumpkin, only pumpkins arenÆt rust red or as wrinkled as
walnuts. The eyes are like bloodshot eggs and the mouth
is full of nightmare teeth, long and curved and pointed.
If the scarecrows werenÆt so shy, so polite, so
intelligent -- everything that the roosters are not --
they wouldÆve frightened the bejesus out of us.
At the sight of Kasaan, the rooster forgets all about
the fruitcake and begins to eek furiously. Instinctively
Bjorn and I step back. The scarecrow is swooping down on
the rooster; IÆve never seen one move so fast. The
followers are left scrambling behind. The rooster
tenses. He looks as if he wants to run in five
directions at once, but canÆt decide which one.
"Eek, eeek, eeeek, eeeeek, eeeeeek! "
Just before it happens, I realize what IÆm seeing. This
isnÆt any meeting. ItÆs an attack: a lion charging a
wildebeest, a wolf taking a hare.
"Uh-oh," I say, but itÆs good. ItÆs true. The smell has
changed everything.
Kasaan slams into the rooster, knocking him down. The
rooster bounces, rolls and lies, shivering, on his back.
His legs pump weakly as Kasaan looms over him. The
scarecrow bends to nuzzle the roosterÆs shoulder. He
closes his eyes. His eeking is low and wet. The
breathless followers catch up.
"What is this?" I recognize Balfour. "Oh my god, whatÆs
she doing?"
KasaanÆs nubbly pink tongue licks between bared teeth at
the roosterÆs shoulder. It makes a sound like someone
washing hands.
"Observe," I say. "But donÆt protect. Not this time."
The licking goes on for several moments. Suddenly the
teeth pierce the skin and sink deep. The rooster
stiffens, but makes no sound. With a quick jerk to one
side, Kasaan tears an apple-sized chunk of the roosterÆs
flesh away. Her jaws close on the meat -- once, twice,
three times -- and then she tilts her head back and
swallows. The wound brims with purple blood; Kasaan
licks it clean. When the bleeding stops, the scarecrow
steps away and stretches luxuriantly.
"What tasty information!" She offers a hand to the
rooster, who struggles to his feet. "You have seen most
deliciously."
"I have a theory," whispers Bjorn, "about how these
reports are made..." But he doesnÆt get to elaborate
because Kasaan comes up to him.
"What that one gave you," the scarecrow says, "is the
egg of a vuot, a worm that will grow over the years in
your intestines."
Bjorn turns the color of eggnog.
"How do you know about that?" I say.
"I ate those memories," says Kasaan. "Now the vuot is a
beneficial parasite that all Kuvat share. It will filter
toxins and regulate your metabolism and prolong your
life. You need not worry about side effects. Indeed, I
believe you will be most happy with your relationship
with the vuot over the coming centuries."
I pat my pocket to make sure the pearls -- vuot eggs --
are still there. Kasaan notices this and bows
apologetically. "What has happened, is and is for the
good. But there is something that has not yet happened,
which I must unfortunately prevent from happening."
I can guess whatÆs coming. "We bought them from him," I
say. "We paid."
"Maggie, a fruitcake is not the price of immortality,"
says Kasaan gently.
=Fruitcake stinks.= says the rooster. =Person lies.= His
wound has already healed.
"IÆm afraid I must insist." The scarecrow lays a hand on
my shoulder.
=Better not cry. Tell me why.=
I know she means me no harm. So does the rooster, Bjorn,
Balfour, and all the followers. IÆm going to give her
the eggs. Maybe later weÆll find out what the right
price for them is. As far as IÆm concerned, the
situation is under control. But itÆs not my mall.
"Get your hands off her!"
It happens so fast. Santa comes from somewhere behind
the followers. No one sees him until he goes airborne.
HeÆs spry for an old man, clipping Kasaan at the waist
and spinning him around. The eggs go flying out of my
hand and splatter on the floor. Santa and the scarecrow
fall in a heap.
"Monster!" screams Santa. "Get out of my mall!" HeÆs got
his hands around the scarecrowÆs neck. We swarm over to
pull them apart but weÆre a millisecond too late.
Kasaan bites down hard on SantaÆs bicep. She tears off a
mouthful of muscle and some red felt rags. Perhaps itÆs
instinct that makes her swallow.
"Ahhh!" Blood spurts. Santa faints.
The scarecrow picks herself up slowly, licking the blood
off her lips.
"Kasaan, I am so sorry," says Balfour, her voice muffled
by the gas mask. "I thought we had secured the area."
Kasaan stares thoughtfully at her. "He is a senior."
"Old, yes," she says. "Poor thing probably doesnÆt know
what heÆs doing."
"This is how you treat your elders?"
"What do you mean?"
"We have made a terrible mistake," says Kasaan. "I wish
to return to the ship immediately."
=And a happy New Year,= says the rooster, as he follows
the scarecrow out.
Three days later, the Kuvat starship takes off. They
have yet to return.
Barbara Balfour, Undersecretary of Alien Affairs,
resigns in February, after taking a merciless pounding
in the media and both houses of Congress. In March she
signs a contract to write Who Lost the Kuvat?, which
presents her side of what happened. Although sales are
disappointing, the vein in her temple stops throbbing.
Bjorn Lipponen loses one hundred and fifty pounds in six
months. Two years after The Incident, as it comes to be
called, he is named one of the twenty-first centuryÆs
Hundred Most Sexy Men. Later, he becomes a noted
futurist. His book, The Road to Eternity, is in its
eighteenth printing.
Nobody knows quite what to do with Lester Rand, the
demented Santa. There is considerable sentiment for
charging him in the World Court with crimes against
humanity. But who can say what will happen if the Kuvat
come back and find out that we punished the messenger
instead of accepting the message? In his later years, he
writes a childrenÆs book, Reindeer in the Mall, which is
optioned by Fox and made into a full length computer
animated cartoon.
I am never going to write a book. IÆm not going to live
forever
There are a lot of theories about what caused The
Incident. Some want to blame me for insulting the
rooster, even though what I said was only the truth.
Others say that it is humanityÆs fault for mistreating
the Lester Rands of the world. Many former Kuvat chasers
maintain that when Kasaan digested the information he
bit off Rand, he saw into the dark soul of Homo sapiens
sapiens and was repelled. I guess everyone has a theory.
HereÆs mine.
It was the fruitcake.